Be Someone Else

Through this reflective exercise, I was able to uncover facts about my own identity. I found myself thinking about various aspects of myself, ranging from how I spoke, my physical appearance, and my clothes. The Bucholtz and Hall paper's positionality principle alluded to reflecting my identity with the way I communicate with others.

My identity is closely tied to being extraordinarily extroverted and social. I enjoy meeting all types of people, but I found that my general vernacular is proper and grammatically correct when talking to anyone. My friends speak more freely with many slang, so I decided to speak in slang as the first change for the post. I also decided to change my tone from being open and inviting to closed off and reserved, which is entirely contradictory to who I am as a person. The people closest to me noticed I was not myself right away. Especially in terms of my diction, conversations with close friends ended abruptly due to my word choice. I find that I want to portray the best possible version of myself, and not exerting my full intelligence inhibits this. I think this is a core tenant of who I am as an individual. Growing up, I was told to think before I speak, and I still take that to heart. In my opinion, speaking incorrectly is contradictory to that notion. I also really enjoy forging bonds and building new relationships, so being closed off didn't go over well internally. Next, I explored the change in physical appearance about my identity.

I have had facial hair since the 6th grade, and over time it has become a staple of my appearance. I was the first kid in school with a beard, which helped me mature a great deal. It directly correlated with my confidence and self-esteem, which led me to explore my social side. It seems silly to believe that a part of my physical appearance could tie into my identity closely, but I found that it is. I rarely shave my face completely, but I decided to do so for the nature of the assignment. The moment I shaved, I felt instant regret, and it was an adjustment looking into the mirror. I realized that my confidence remained unwavering, but there was a part of me that was missing. My roommates were shocked to see me come out of the bathroom without a beard. To depict this transformation, I have attached two pictures of myself before and after to show the dramatic change. Internally, nothing changed because I was still the same person. Externally, I felt that people around me looked at me differently. I met with my extended family on a Zoom call this weekend, and everyone kept telling me who I finally looked my age. There was a slew of opinions and comments made, but I didn't mind because the same thing happened with my peers and closest friends. However, those opinions and remarks didn't waver any of my confidence internally. Instead, I found that this new look may be a welcome change and that identity is ever-evolving. However, I understand that the beard (physical appearance) was an integral part of developing my own identity. Finally, I explored clothing as it relates to identity.

I never enjoyed shopping for clothes and did not care what I wore growing up. I was focused on everything but clothing until I realized how important it was. Reminiscing on the times when I did not care and wearing the same clothes brought me back to a version of myself I didn't even recognize. Over time, my father told me to dress the part and for the job I want to have. I shifted my wardrobe entirely and began to dress in smart casual on the day-to-day. I wanted to look good and feel good. For this post, I decided only to wear athletic wear and baggy clothes. I realized that I was feeling lazy and unmotivated. I did not want to go out in public and see people because I was not myself. My identity is tied closely to my confidence and self-esteem, and dressing down inhibited those core factors.

In conclusion, I realized that the way you communicate, your appearance, and how you present yourself directly correlate to identity. Shifting my tone and diction, shaving my beard, and changing my clothes' clothes help me introspect on my own identity. These changes presented challenges both intrinsically and externally, but they were vital for understanding me deeper.